Maybe it’s time to stop waiting and create a new dream… And start living it…
I think about the pain that is a constant in my chest. The way I cry myself to sleep every night and wake up with the same feeling, as though 10,000 knives have been jabbed in and out of my heart. I think about how many months I have felt this, day after day….
My life is so good right now. Its so good.. except for love. I am in love with a woman who cant love me the way that I love her. I am ready to be proud of who I am. I am ready to start a life with her. I am ready to wake up next to the same person every morning. I am in love with her. I am pathetically in love with her…..
But I’ve realized that it doesn’t matter what I say to her. It doesn’t matter if I take blame for everything. It doesn’t matter if I tell her how good I’ll be to her. It doesn’t matter if I tell her not to worry about money. It doesn’t matter….
She doesn’t love me the same. She gave a part of her heart to someone else. She gave most of her life to someone else. And I’m just the ‘other girl’. My problem is that, this whole time, I’ve been thinking that I’m something so exceptional. That I’m the one that she loves. Me and me alone….But she doesn’t. She loves the one she’s with. The one she kisses at night. The one she protects, daily.
It’s not me…It will never be me…
#bighair #dontcare 💁💋❤️ (at Bachelorette Pad 👭)
I think my heart might stop. How do I watch the one I love, love someone else? How do I condone it? How do I put a smile on when my heart is shattered?
I don’t think I’m strong enough for this… But is that strength? Or does the true strength lie in being able to say, “I deserve more”, and acting on it.